Live for the Moment

Last weekend a friend from high school passed away unexpectedly. Indeed, this is incredibly sad news and a great loss at such a young age. Kevin was an awesome guy with an infectious smile that would elevate an entire room to a new level. I'm very fortunate I had the chance to know him and my heart goes out to all of his family and friends during this time. Undoubtedly, death makes us all beg the question, “Why does this happen to certain people and not others?". Unfortunately experiencing these circumstances is becoming all too familiar for me. This isn’t the first time I’ve experienced the passing of a friend. In grade 10, the father of my best friend had developed cancer pretty much out of nowhere. There was no real rhyme or reason for why this happened, it just did. I was 15 and this was my first encounter with the end of someone’s life. My friend’s father was a healthy, honourable, hard working, and devoted husband and father. For me growing up, I spent so much time in his home that he became like a second father to me. He’d smarten me up when I got out of line and give me advice like any good father would. I literally used to eat dinner at his home almost every night of the week. Dinners were always a great Italian meal with fresh crusty bread every night. I used to always try and steal the end crust from him all the time, it was his favorite. I remember he used to tell me the best thing about an apple was the whole thing, and at that moment he would eat the core and the stem…classic!

It was tough to see my friend go through this at such a young age. We both couldn’t understand it and articulate why this had to happen to his family. Each day that passed you could see the stress build up in his family as the inevitable became closer. I’ll never forget the last day he was alive. This was the day where a decision had to be made on whether or not to keep my friend's father on life support. When it was finally decided that he had suffered enough I immediately motioned to leave the room so that the family can be together. However, his family asked me to stay and be there with them. I could barely watch my friend in agony as they turned the machine off. I did not know what to think. I couldn’t think anything. I was lost, confused and angry. With death people always say things like “well it was his time to be with God”, but really that’s hard to swallow. Why didn’t God want him to be with his family the rest of his life? Does this make God selfish for wanting him more? These are the sorts of questions that send you off into unchartered territory searching desperately for answers. Death is a very mysterious thing and perhaps something so far removed from us that it was never intended for us to truly understand and reason about. I mean we can always debate about death, but can we ever rationalize it?

Fast forward to when I was 21, a friend of mine from high school got hit by a drunk driver as he was walking across the road. This was shortly after his 21st birthday. 21 years old, like what the ???? I wasn’t even remotely ready to start planning my life at that point. You have so much to look forward to when you’re that young and then it’s all gone in a split second. When this happened, I was at Sheridan College taking everything for granted around me. Now fast forward to August, 2003 and the night of the infamous blackout. A friend of mine was stabbed to death, of which the details I obviously won’t get into because it doesn’t matter. This was very difficult to come to terms with. It’s always harder when this happens to someone you hung out with, laughed with, partied with, grew up with and shared a lot of common friends with. I remember leaving the viewing sitting in the car with my sister, who came to support me. I just sat there thinking, dazed and confused, when all of a sudden I started raging with tears. There’s no explanation for why things like this happen and maybe sometimes having no explanation helps us move on. Why do things like this happen to good people, but life gives back no retribution to the individuals who make a living from malicious behaviour? Perhaps, it’s because they need to stay alive to witness and live through the emotional damage they’ve caused to others. Whatever the answer may be, it teaches you one very important lesson: live for the moment!

Now living for the moment doesn’t equate life with reckless abandon. It doesn’t mean go out and get drunk as often as you can; that’s just living a meaningless life in my opinion and avoidance of a traumatizing experience. You still need to keep your head on your shoulders. For me living for the moment means to do as much as you can today to help yourself and others instead of waiting for tomorrow. Life is too short and the only thing that is certain is uncertainty. Instead of waiting and wondering what could be, get on with it and go after it. Set overzealous goals, gain some new knowledge, dream like crazy, have no regrets, understand your gut, and do things like volunteer in your community. If you want to go back to school to pursue something, then do it. Never think you’re too old, because when is too old really? Don’t just come home from work and get all caught up in routine each and every day. I know it’s hard with families, work and other responsibilities but your life comes down to choice every day and your life can always be changed through the preeminent ability to choose. Learn to let go of worrying about time. Don’t get so hung up on money and material things because they don’t make you who you are, people do! Don’t be so concerned with insignificant things like, “will I ever meet the one for me” or “how am I ever going to pay off this debt” , yada yada yada. I used to say things like this and allow them to bother me and if you think about it, it can be pretty selfish behaviour because it can come at the expense of others (i.e. being moody and a downer around someone you care about). I mainly justify things like that as insignificant because when you’re alive you have the opportunities to take care of business and accomplish things like this. So in a weird way I guess I’m saying be thankful and blessed that you have the opportunity to brush situations such as being in debt and single, knowing that it’s not the end of the world because it isn’t! Lastly, make sure the ones you love most are astonishingly cherished. There’s no greater gift in life than family and great friends. Take the time out to let them know how appreciated they are. Whether this is a simple phone call, text message or email. The little things in life are what I cherish the most and generally make the most impact each day for me. When someone you care about asks for help, reach out with an open heart and generous smile because you can. Live for the moment because you can.

R.I.P. to all the lost ones and bless their families: Always missed, and never forgotten.

My Dog Bailey (aka Marley)

I had an interesting revelation about my dog Bailey on Saturday during his vet visit for annual shots. It was also rather interesting that I found out he was 9 years old, when I thought he was 8 all along. I felt really bad for getting his age mixed up, but somehow I think he forgave me. I asked the vet what's the common lifespan for labs like Bailey, and she told me generally 10-12 years. Then the thought shot to my head, "that leaves me with a few years, possibly one". I said no way man, this dog is living longer than that. The vet also chimed in right after, "well given his amount of energy still, I'd say he'll beat those statistics". At this point Bailey was up on the counter with his two paws beside the vet while she was writing in his chart, very Marley-esque!

But the reality did set in, I don't have much time left with this guy. As sad as it is to think that, I have to try not to because I want to enjoy the rest of my time with him as much as I can. It's healthy to know it's coming at some point, I just hope he lets me know. Again, I really don't foresee him having any problems in the near future, he's just too much of a freakish lab!

Bailey also has a lot of heart and guts in him. When the time comes, he's definitely gonna be a fighter. This dog is tough as nails. I don't know one dog out there that can rip into 12 boxes of chocolate and survive. That happened a few years ago during the holidays. My mom generally piles up tons of chocolates in December from all her patients. We made the mistake of starting to put them under the tree one year with everything else and I came home from work one night to find Bailey on my bed with his heart racing. I immediately took him to this 24 hour emergency hospital for pets. I've never driven so fast in my life. My heart was trembling, I really wasn't sure if he could have survived. Chocolate and onions are like poison to dogs. I had to leave him overnight there and I don't think I slept a wink that night. Thankfully, by the grace of God, he made it! But really, was I surprised? We're talking about a dog that eats dry wall here and at one point in his life digested a zip lock bag!

I've started to slowly see the changes in his age and demeanor over the past year. While his energy stays at an all time high, there's subtle changes that signal he's entering senior citizen territory. Even when Bailey eats now he no longer inhales his food in under two minutes flat. He actually takes his time now. Maybe he's finally realized the true comfort in enjoying your food for what it's worth. Could he be maturing? And for all the antics and shenanigans Bailey has mastered over the years, they don't come near to overshadowing the love he's given this family. To be fair Bailey had a traumatizing childhood just like myself. Everything I went through Bailey was there for. I remember coming home looking for him one day to have my father say he let him out the front door to "teach" me a lesson. My mom, who left an office full of patients to help me find him, and I furiously put up posters all over the neighborhood thinking he was lost. He was gone for like a week. All this time, my father had him in a kennel....that asshole. How do you do that to a dog and your family? It's beyond me to comprehend. Bailey was also my saving grace a lot of the time when my parents got divorced during my first year of university. When things weren't looking up for me it was always great to come home to his wagging tail signifying that happiness is capable every day no matter what.

It's really amazing how a dog can do so much for your life without saying a word to you. They provide you with unconditional love for the exchange of pets and attention. It's certainly hard to imagine having another dog after Bailey. I'm such a dog person and always will be, but it's a weird feeling to know that the dog which has been by your side for the past 9 years (see I got it right) will eventually go away. And I will never say that I can replace Bailey with another dog because that's impossible. Bailey is definitely one of a kind and has his own place in Labrador history!

My Exercise Rant

Oh did I ever need a trip to the gym after this weekend. My weekend wasn’t very healthy because it consisted of mainly beer and food wherever you can get it. I really felt like I hit a wall Tuesday morning when I got up for work and I hate that feeling. What’s even worse is that it lingered into today. My job requires quick intuition and alertness, which makes regular exercise all the more important for success in my career. But exercise isn’t just important for me with regards to my career. Exercise has been very important going back to just after high school. I can say it was important during high school but it wasn’t something I truly valued and stayed committed to, so I’d be lying. Exercise is something I value as an important part of my life because of the intangibles it provides me with. The major benefits include positive energy, focus, discipline and determination. If you have positive energy you’re better suited to help yourself and others. Mastering the art of focus helps keep your eye on the prize at all times, which means achieving GOALS! Discipline and determination kind of go hand in hand in my opinion. Discipline is a tool you learn through working out, just like playing sports as well, which really serves to help you understand how to prioritize things in life I find. Once you get in a groove with working out through a disciplined approach, there’s no way you can’t feel determined to keep it rolling. Determination in and of itself is probably the greatest characteristic any individual can possess to help guide them through anything in life. Determination is even more recognizable and relevant once the hard work produces the achievement of a goal. You can be the smartest person out there, but if you have no drive you’re not going anywhere. Staying in shape and being physically fit is also very important to me; I really don’t want to be that 40 year old with a beer gut! I don’t know it may seem shallow, but looking my best is important for me. But at the end of the day I work out for those four things (positive energy, focus, discipline and determination) with which I utilize in other areas of my life.

I find the gym is also a very good tool for stress management. It’s so opportune to channel out your negative energy and bring together a balance between your work and personal life. You never want to bring any unnecessary stress into your home life. Trust me I saw that all too much growing up. If only my father had half the brain I have. But anyways, I digress. The last thing anyone wants to hear when you get home, whether it is your family or significant other, is “I’m sooooo tired” or “I’ve had such a shitty day”. Not that there’s anything wrong with saying how you feel, there isn’t at all. But those statements really carry with them negative connotations in the sense that they immediately create negative energy towards someone else. So I just try my best to avoid that. In a sense if I try to avoid me feeling like that as much as possible, then it allows me to be there for someone else who’s in that situation. But if the two of you are in that situation then it kind of sucks and you both feel bad.

I got into a really good groove working out just before heading to Quebec for the weekend, and then Thursday to Monday was just a complete write off….for good reason of course! However, I’m not a gym rat by far. I like to go at least 3-4 days a week, but I do indulge in anything whenever I want. There’s really nothing more I like than a big fat juicy burger, or a medium-rare rib-eye steak, or creamy mashed potatoes…you get the picture. I just couldn't imagine living life without delicious things like that and I know I’ll always be like that. If you put the time and dedication into living a healthy lifestyle it shouldn't matter when you eat something of decadence. As long as your daily diet doesn’t turn into grease then your good. I could never be a calorie watcher, but I can certainly control my eating habits on a regular basis to ensure I’m getting what I need for a healthy life. Then if I want to indulge on the weekend or whenever, so be it. Well, time to throw on my ipod and walk crazy Bailey.

Back from An Incredible Weekend

This past weekend I had the pleasure of spending it in beautiful Quebec. Two very dear friends of mine, Ben and Alli, tied the knot this weekend. I’ve known Ben and Alli since my second year of university and they’ve been one of my very best set of friends ever since. It was a big honour for me to be a part of their wedding party and participate in all the events leading up to their big day. I’m extremely proud of these two individuals for coming a long way and providing a true example of what love is, along with a blueprint for it. It didn’t take too long before it became obvious that they were it for each other. I can still remember all the times Ben and I would be watching a game on TV and it always seemed like the phone was synchronized to ring at the same moment each time. It would ring and Ben would motion with his finger “I’ll be right back”. Every single time he would never talk with Alli in front of me. He would always go upstairs to give her his undivided attention and that’s why they work so well together. They’re just always there 110% for each other, and I’m extremely happy for them. Sooooo, when's the baby coming?

How the trip started to Montreal for me was actually hilarious in hindsight. At the time, I was thinking “Mike you idiot”. So I wake up Thursday morning and my outlook reminder pops up “Ben & Alli’s Wedding--> Montreal”. I was like, it’s not this weekend it’s next weekend. I was extremely sure of it for some reason. So I go to work last Thursday thinking I’m gonna have an awesome weekend in one week. I had always planned to drive up with my friend Laura (who also was in the wedding party). So Laura calls me at work at around 2:30 telling me to be at her place for 7:30. So of course I was confused as hell based on my own cognition. I was like “Why the heck do you want to hang out tonight, I’m gonna see you all next weekend”. Needless to say I almost shit myself as I frantically prepared to tie any necessary loose ends at work and mention “Oh by the way I need Friday and Monday off, I’m in a wedding party….in Quebec…and I’m getting fitted tomorrow for my tux”. Lucky for me I work at a really awesome and flexible organization and have a solid team to fall back on. They laughed pretty hard at me and deservedly so. But as Ben so cleverly snuck in during his speech, even though I got the dates mixed up I came through in the end as I always do for my friends!

I’ve never been in a wedding party before, so this was my first time and such a great experience. The groomsman consisted of Alli’s two brothers Jordan and Adam; our friends from UTM, Amir, Graham and myself; and the Rochester boys consisting of Zach, Kyle and Mike. Other guys who were also a big part of the wedding and celebration were Ethan (UTM), Dave (UTM), Mike (Rochester) and Sam (Rochester). With three Mike’s this weekend sometimes it got confusing, which is why we referred to last names often. Let me tell you I had the time of my life with all these guys this weekend. It was great for the UTM crew because we all haven’t hung out in one spot together in a long time. It was great for Ben because he got his boys from Rochester and UTM to unite! Sometimes with large groups like that you might worry about personalities clashing, but this wasn’t the case at all. Ben’s boys from Rochester are such stand-up guys and we all got along so well. I’ve hung out with Zach and Kyle once before; Kyle at UTM and Zach up in Montreal last October for Ben and Alli’s engagement party. Kyle and I hit it off to the point were he was finishing my thoughts at times. I know, it was kind of romantic. It didn’t hurt that I was his constant source of updated Pittsburgh Pirate scores all weekend via the good old iPhone. We all sort of joked at the end of the weekend on Monday saying that Ben is no longer needed as the middle man because we’re all friends now.

I’m really hoping that not a lot of time elapses until the next time we all get together, which definitely includes Rochester. I’m quite intrigued to make a trip down there to eat something called the “garbage plate”. Apparently this is a big plate of fries and gravy with everything else known to mankind on it. I’m sure it’s a heart attack on a plate, but it must be had! My friends from UTM (groomsman and bridesmaids) have had such a profound impact in my life during and post university days. You really don’t meet people like that too often and I really cherish the friendships I’ve forged with them over the years. I eagerly look forward to moving ahead in life with all these individuals close by and sharing my growth with them and taking part in theirs as well.