Keeping the Family Theme Rolling

If you read my last blog you might have inferred that my sister is an important figure in my life. I've always wanted a little brother or sister to grow up with. But I see the benefits of being the younger one and having someone to look up to. When you think about it, it's a lot of responsibility for the older sibling. Plus they go through everything, so they can teach you how to do things better or avoid certain things. To be perfectly honest, my sister makes it look easy too. No matter what, on the outside she always seems calm and has it together. She may not agree completely with that but that's what it looks like to others. She could be having the shitiest day, but won't let it concern her interactions with others. I was thinking about her demeanour today, which pretty much prompted me to write this and show the blogging world how proud I am of her! When I think about the kind of person I always want to be remembered by and how I want to continue to carry out my life, its like her. I always want to be that person that has time for others no matter what. I always want to have balance in my life and never fear the unknown. Goals and challenges are huge for me, of which the importance my sister instilled in me. She bought me that 'Challenges' picture frame that you see in almost every office when I was in high school. I still hang that up in my room/basement (thank God that's changing soon!). She taught me never to give up, always stay focused, and the importance of family. I think one of her finest quotes, which I'm paraphrasing, is that when you're having a bad day instead of feeling sorry for yourself, get your head out of your ass and do something for someone else. You should try it; not that I'm suggesting you need to. But the next time you have a bad day, whether it be at work or at home, do something nice for someone else and you'll feel instantly better. This is what she's all about, helping others relentlessly. As I look back on my life and accomplishments she's had a steadfast influence in most of them. Very rarely do I omit seeking out her advice on things. I like having autonomy in my decisions, but her opinion is always sought after because it's so valuable to me. Unless she's having one of her Oprah days, then I stay away...lol! It's also been pretty cool to take a step back and analyze how our relationship has evolved over the years. We've been through a tremendous amount together and we were always a team. We fought like crazy when we were little, but when we got older and times got tough we always had each other's backs no matter what. She's not only my sister but she's one of my very best friends whom I can tell anything. That's the kind of a brother-sister relationship that's hard to get to for a lot of people. It's pretty cool when you're there because your just friends plan and simple, and its fun.

This Time Around

I just got back from a day at Marineland with the family. We went there on our quest to celebrate Father's day for my brother-in-law and his father. Yeah I wish I could say my father too, but unfortunately not. Every Father's Day is usually an emotional day for me. I've learned a large part of why it's emotional is because I allow it to be. But not this time around. For once I didn't think about my 'father' and feel guilty for not being around him. See every year I think about the fact that I have no clue where he even lives, and whether or not I'm a bad person for not giving him a chance. I think about if I was in his shoes what would I want my son to feel like and react like. I think about our time on earth comes once and sometimes people deserve a second or maybe even a third chance. And then for a split-second I forget about my childhood and early teenage years and I allow myself to get emotionally attached to my father's strength. His strength is making others feel weaker then they really are.

But being apprehended by my father's strength didn't happen to me today. I remembered that, when I considered him dead anyways, he had about 23 years to be a father to me. I remembered the fact that he never taught me how to ride a bike, tie my shoes or tie a tie. I remembered that he never saw me graduate university. I also remembered how he told me I would never amount to anything; this was quite a daily occurrence. I also remembered the last words I ever spoke to him...'fuck you'. I remembered bringing home a 90% on a math test in grade 9 and him asking me where the other 10% was. I remembered all the horrible things I heard him say and how he treated my mom and sister, all at a time when the most stressful thing in my life should have been figuring out how much TV I was gonna watch in one day. I remembered that he had all the chances in the world to make things right and still couldn't. I understand that it isn't a child's responsibility to love and care for themselves. This time I didn't allow myself to fall prey to my father's strength. I detached myself and I did it with my family.

I had a really good day today and I'm just glad that my family didn't have to notice anything bothering me inside for once. When I play with my little nephew and chase him around all over the place I can't even imagine trying to screw something up for someone so special. Truth is the birth of my nephew was a real blessing in my life. Everything changed for me the minute he was born. I had even more to live for now. I had another person in my life to be a role model for and teach things. He's really been like a therapist for me without saying a word at all. I remember when he turned one, I wrote him out a letter for his birthday card indicating how much I love him. I told my sister to read it to him when he gets a bit older. This little child has taught me a lot and helped me understand things that an undergrad degree couldn't teach me...insane eh! I kind of feel bad every time I'm around him because I feel like I'm hogging him from others...haha! It's just because I want to spend as much time as I can with him, especially at this age....it's so much fun. I figure I don't see him day-to-day so when I do see him I like to spoil him with attention. Children are the most significant and precious beings in the world and to rob them of their childhood and a proper upbringing is just wrong. Personally, I can't wait until I'm a father. I can't wait to teach my children all the things I wasn't taught. I'll admit I do want to have a little boy pretty badly. If I do get blessed with a little boy, it would be my honour to raise him into a man. Of course, having a little princess would be pretty cool too.

A New Era

It's been a really long time since my last post and I feel bad about that because I want to stay committed to this blog and not get lazy with the postings. However, this past little while I needed to take some time away for myself to figure some things out and my life has been upside down the past couple of weeks because I just bought a condo! Seriously, I had no idea how involved and time consuming the paperwork would be for a property purchase. But it was definitely an interesting experience which provided a much needed growth spurt.

I wasn't really planning on buying anything right now. I've been leisurely looking around for a few months, just to get an idea of what's out there and a feel for a comfortable price range. My ultimate goal was to buy something by September/October at best and by December at worst. But the housing market has rebounded nicer than most analysts expected this year, which means the mortgage rates are bound to go up and stay there. So I saw this condo listing in Oakville (I know, no more Timmy's..it's just not proper haha), which was absolutely beautiful. I knew just by looking at the pictures that I would put an offer on this place for sure. So I called up my real estate agent and she took me over to see the place after work that day. Man, I feel in love with this place right away. There was designer upgrades galore. The seller really took pride and care of this place which was super important for me as a buyer. So I put an offer in that night and ended up coming to an agreement with the seller just before midnight. That night was a complete rush for me. But it didn't really even sink in remotely until a few days later. I still don't think it will fully sink in until a few weeks before closing. To make matters better, the mortgage rates went up quite a bit the day after I signed the offer. So if I had waited until my planned purphase time of October or December it wouldn't have been beneficial to me. Did I have a horse shoe stuck up my ass or what!

For those of you who know me well, you know that I really love my independence and I really take pride in being able to accomplish things on my own. This is a really special time in my life right now, and one I'm looking forward to with the utmost optimism. There's just been so much adversity I've overcome in the past 6 years or so in my life to be at the point where I am now. To think I had, which seemed insurmountable at the time, a line of credit from university to finish paying off just last August which was ousted in February was a big deal for me. When I kept looking at that debt I kept telling myself this is never gonna go away. But I quickly learned that you need a lot of patience (knowing that it will go away one day) and discipline (keeping your eye on the prize) when paying off your debt. And then to think that I've gone from where I was in February to being a proud home owner right now is pretty damn impressive I think. Now all the fun stuff (and expensive stuff) like buying furniture at whatnot gets to start. All I know is that I'm gonna go to town on the kitchen. That's the one area for sure that has to be 5 star all the way. I actually just bought my first item, a bamboo cutting board!