Last weekend a friend from high school passed away unexpectedly. Indeed, this is incredibly sad news and a great loss at such a young age. Kevin was an awesome guy with an infectious smile that would elevate an entire room to a new level. I'm very fortunate I had the chance to know him and my heart goes out to all of his family and friends during this time. Undoubtedly, death makes us all beg the question, “Why does this happen to certain people and not others?". Unfortunately experiencing these circumstances is becoming all too familiar for me. This isn’t the first time I’ve experienced the passing of a friend. In grade 10, the father of my best friend had developed cancer pretty much out of nowhere. There was no real rhyme or reason for why this happened, it just did. I was 15 and this was my first encounter with the end of someone’s life. My friend’s father was a healthy, honourable, hard working, and devoted husband and father. For me growing up, I spent so much time in his home that he became like a second father to me. He’d smarten me up when I got out of line and give me advice like any good father would. I literally used to eat dinner at his home almost every night of the week. Dinners were always a great Italian meal with fresh crusty bread every night. I used to always try and steal the end crust from him all the time, it was his favorite. I remember he used to tell me the best thing about an apple was the whole thing, and at that moment he would eat the core and the stem…classic!
It was tough to see my friend go through this at such a young age. We both couldn’t understand it and articulate why this had to happen to his family. Each day that passed you could see the stress build up in his family as the inevitable became closer. I’ll never forget the last day he was alive. This was the day where a decision had to be made on whether or not to keep my friend's father on life support. When it was finally decided that he had suffered enough I immediately motioned to leave the room so that the family can be together. However, his family asked me to stay and be there with them. I could barely watch my friend in agony as they turned the machine off. I did not know what to think. I couldn’t think anything. I was lost, confused and angry. With death people always say things like “well it was his time to be with God”, but really that’s hard to swallow. Why didn’t God want him to be with his family the rest of his life? Does this make God selfish for wanting him more? These are the sorts of questions that send you off into unchartered territory searching desperately for answers. Death is a very mysterious thing and perhaps something so far removed from us that it was never intended for us to truly understand and reason about. I mean we can always debate about death, but can we ever rationalize it?
Fast forward to when I was 21, a friend of mine from high school got hit by a drunk driver as he was walking across the road. This was shortly after his 21st birthday. 21 years old, like what the ???? I wasn’t even remotely ready to start planning my life at that point. You have so much to look forward to when you’re that young and then it’s all gone in a split second. When this happened, I was at Sheridan College taking everything for granted around me. Now fast forward to August, 2003 and the night of the infamous blackout. A friend of mine was stabbed to death, of which the details I obviously won’t get into because it doesn’t matter. This was very difficult to come to terms with. It’s always harder when this happens to someone you hung out with, laughed with, partied with, grew up with and shared a lot of common friends with. I remember leaving the viewing sitting in the car with my sister, who came to support me. I just sat there thinking, dazed and confused, when all of a sudden I started raging with tears. There’s no explanation for why things like this happen and maybe sometimes having no explanation helps us move on. Why do things like this happen to good people, but life gives back no retribution to the individuals who make a living from malicious behaviour? Perhaps, it’s because they need to stay alive to witness and live through the emotional damage they’ve caused to others. Whatever the answer may be, it teaches you one very important lesson: live for the moment!
Now living for the moment doesn’t equate life with reckless abandon. It doesn’t mean go out and get drunk as often as you can; that’s just living a meaningless life in my opinion and avoidance of a traumatizing experience. You still need to keep your head on your shoulders. For me living for the moment means to do as much as you can today to help yourself and others instead of waiting for tomorrow. Life is too short and the only thing that is certain is uncertainty. Instead of waiting and wondering what could be, get on with it and go after it. Set overzealous goals, gain some new knowledge, dream like crazy, have no regrets, understand your gut, and do things like volunteer in your community. If you want to go back to school to pursue something, then do it. Never think you’re too old, because when is too old really? Don’t just come home from work and get all caught up in routine each and every day. I know it’s hard with families, work and other responsibilities but your life comes down to choice every day and your life can always be changed through the preeminent ability to choose. Learn to let go of worrying about time. Don’t get so hung up on money and material things because they don’t make you who you are, people do! Don’t be so concerned with insignificant things like, “will I ever meet the one for me” or “how am I ever going to pay off this debt” , yada yada yada. I used to say things like this and allow them to bother me and if you think about it, it can be pretty selfish behaviour because it can come at the expense of others (i.e. being moody and a downer around someone you care about). I mainly justify things like that as insignificant because when you’re alive you have the opportunities to take care of business and accomplish things like this. So in a weird way I guess I’m saying be thankful and blessed that you have the opportunity to brush situations such as being in debt and single, knowing that it’s not the end of the world because it isn’t! Lastly, make sure the ones you love most are astonishingly cherished. There’s no greater gift in life than family and great friends. Take the time out to let them know how appreciated they are. Whether this is a simple phone call, text message or email. The little things in life are what I cherish the most and generally make the most impact each day for me. When someone you care about asks for help, reach out with an open heart and generous smile because you can. Live for the moment because you can.
R.I.P. to all the lost ones and bless their families: Always missed, and never forgotten.
